Its about making memories worth repressing
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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