Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
