i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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