I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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