got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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