do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's like iHOP with fire
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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