dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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