i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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