Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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