Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this hospital has no fireball
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
