do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
