so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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