we have pet lesbian snakes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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