marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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