I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
