Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
