he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
