I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
