I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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