Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
