You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
