the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
