he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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