He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
