I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize