I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
