I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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