She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
