I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
