We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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