I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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