I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
