we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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