i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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