just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.