so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are