The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE