Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
