He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
