Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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