we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
