Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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