guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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