He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
