Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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