Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
