if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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