Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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