we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
