when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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