Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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