My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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