I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
