You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
