i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
