Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
