i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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