Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
