You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
