my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
