party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How's work?
Spinning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
