i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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