I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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