That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
