I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's like heaven, but drunker
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
