Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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