How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
