i just had sex bonerless
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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