why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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